Another year

How can I explain where I've been since my last post?

4 courses completed
400 hours of clinical pastoral education
15 doctor's visits and 1 ER trip
3 retreats
1 round of golf
100 miles of biking
51 great dates, and 3 bad ones
2 road trips (LA and SD)
1 wedding

I've been excited for the new year to begin, and my excitement grew tonight as I facilitated a group of new students sharing their call stories. I remember well the anxiety I felt last year at this time, not knowing where I could safely walk, where to get groceries, which classes I would take. They seem remarkably calm in their transplanted states and admirably articulate about the sense of call that has gotten them to this point.

Earlier today I heard Chicago Sun-Times religion editor Kathleen Falsani read from her new book, The God Factor, at the Spertus Institute for Jewish Studies. She interviewed 32 public figures about their faith, including Sandra Bernhard, who said this about the rituals of her Jewish upbringing: "It grounded me and made me feel a certain emotion at a certain time of year."

It's true of Christian liturgy, and it's true of academia.

The beginning of the school year will always be full of anxiety, hope, and expectation. This year I'm a little more grounded, a little more prepared. I'll take one less class per semester than I did last year, add a 20 hour a week job in an after-school program, 7 hours a week in a congregation, and an intense personal growth program of retreats and weekly meetings.

So I worry about balancing it all, meeting the expectations of these four communities. I worry that the goal I was so sure of last year at this time -- serving a congregation as their minister of word and sacrament -- may be nuanced beyond recognition in the course of this year. I've been saying that about four days of the week it feels like my call, and I have a different idea for every other day of the week. I envy my new classmates' clarity, but they're about to have their assumptions shaken up a bit, and I hope they enjoy living in the realm of possibility rather than certainty, of questions rather than answers, as much as I do!